My perfect concert…

Posted on January 8, 2013 by erinparker75

would be this one. Couches and Christmas lights. Dreamy goodness and love. Getcha some

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Where to find a psychopath

Posted on January 4, 2013 by erinparker75

a new favorite blog I recently discovered:

www.bakadesuyo.com

and I found this article particularly entertaining:

“First off, psychopath doesn’t just mean someone who cuts you up with a chainsaw — though the majority of people who do things like that are psychopaths. What’s the definition?”

Find out which careers have the most psychopaths on the blog! I’m not saying another word.

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How patience kicked my ass and took my name, part deux

Posted on January 4, 2013 by erinparker75

Instead of enjoying the journey, I’ve been too focused on the destination. But hellooo Erin, the journey IS the destination!

I’m trying to remember those alleged patient moments from earlier so I can bring that with me now.  It was effortless. I wasn’t repeating any mantras or focused on my breathing. I wasn’t reminding myself that those who are patient will see the kingdom of God (or whatever Christians say). I was simply going with the flow of the situation and releasing any attachments to outcomes that I had. That’s it.

Is it really that simple?

I want my life to be like a river. Not a raging one with Class 5 rapids, but a gentle stream that snakes through a meadow that doesn’t have snakes. Go with the flow. Glide seamlessly around the obstacles instead of stopping in front of them. Be flexible with where life takes me. When I’m in that mindset, my life is effortless and happy.

Okay. Then I suppose for me, patience is letting go of my perceived timeline of when I think everything should happen. Always doing my best (4 Agreements) and giving the results up to God. Trusting that there is perfect timing for everything, and that I am always right where I am supposed to be. Not being attached to outcomes. And sometimes, just remembering to fecking breathe.

Cause god damn. 2012 was rough. My soul has experienced more growth than what I think I agreed to (shaking fist at the sky). Absolutely nothing happened the way I had planned it out. The nerve of life. What emerged from the shit storm I call 2012? Basically me stepping into my truth, finding out how strong I actually am, discovering how much courage there is inside of me, becoming vulnerable, not being afraid to pursue happiness, dissolving limiting beliefs, eliminating fears and finding hidden pockets of low self-worth that I had to shine a bright light on and love. Sure, all great things. But talk about refinement through fire. Now that I’ve walked through the storm and can feel the sun, I’m going to pause here for a just a tiny bit and let it warm my skin.

And maybe invite patience over for a stiff drink, see if she’ll ease up on a sista.

Here’s to a very bright and effortless 2013!

Posted in Meditation, My Life, Rants n Stuff, Thoughts | Tagged | 2 Comments

How patience kicked my ass and took my name, part 1

Posted on January 2, 2013 by erinparker75

patience

source

“I need a break. I don’t want any more lessons for a while.” Ho ho ho. Famous last words before the Universe threw me the middle finger and shoved me into my next adventure.

TIME TO CULTIVATE THE ART OF PATIENCE, MON. BOBSLED. God speaks Jamaican to me.

Patience has been reverberating off the walls of my mushy brain for the past two months. I brushed it aside at first, so naturally it kept coming back with more vehemence. Sigh. Alright. I can’t get off this train so I guess I’m going in.

The more I turn to look at it, the bigger it becomes. The more it grows into me, covering me with a delicate layer of peace and seducing me with its knowing smile. I find myself wanting more of this thing I’ve just been introduced to.

There have been several instances lately where friends have used this word to describe ME. Huh?? Fools. I’m not patient. I’m a mover and a shaker! To a fault, I’m afraid. Even if it’s the wrong action, I’d much rather make some move than no move at all. Being still is lame.

But now I’m discovering another layer to myself, and it’s like exploring an uncharted land without the GPS.

There are so many things I want. A relationship, complete health, financial abundance, a thriving writing career, location independence, more trips around the world, more time to meditate, more fun experiences…those are the big ones. And like a petulant child, I demand them all in this very instant. I’m always scheming for plans and outlines to make my dreams come true. I know my destination, but I need those road maps to get there.

But recently  I just feel STUCK. Not making any progress. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I keep noticing that damn word (patience)showing up around every corner I turn. I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do…so what’s going on?

Here’s what I’m thinking. Maybe for now, I’m exactly where I need to be. There’s no learning or pushing and pulling that needs to take place. I just need to take a deep breath, open my eyes and see the flowers that cover the mountainside. Instead of blasting on by, trying to reach the summit. Maybe I can even sit down for a while and survey the landscape. Chill. Have a glass of wine and just let it all go for now. Mmmhmmm wine.

That’s the hardest thing for me – letting go. I have mastered the art of having burning desires and the subsequent death grip on them.

So….patience = letting go?

(to be continued…)

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I’M GOING TO INDIA!!!!!!

Posted on December 31, 2012 by erinparker75

So…just bought a plane ticket to India last week. There are 7 of us going for three weeks in February. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! First time in Asia. And I have NO clue what we are doing other than the few things they’ve told me. New Delhi. Agra. Taj Mahal. Some insane religious festival – the Kumbh Mela in Allahabad. Wikipedia says in 2001 there were more than 40 million people who attended, making it the largest human gathering ever. Which means I may die there. I hate crowds. Carnaval in Goa. Kerala. Ashrams and temples where I can meditate! Bathing in the Ganges. Curry to the face. And shopping so much I puke.

The others are planning everything, and I am just along for the ride. I have to pack for warm and cold weather though. And shoes??? At least I have all of January to figure this shit out.

This is my first trip in 10+ years where I haven’t been involved in the decision making, and I effing love it. I can’t wait to be surprised…

india110314124035

 

source

Posted in My Life, Travel | Tagged | 2 Comments

Maneater!

Posted on December 28, 2012 by erinparker75

Happy Friday 🙂

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Inconsistency is Okay

Posted on December 26, 2012 by erinparker75

So….big news. I finally met Kelsie in person!!!!

Kelsie is my meditation teacher and lives in Hawaii. We have been working together since 2011 and it’s  always been over Skype, so I had never actually met her in person. Lucky for me, HER spiritual teachers live in Austin. So she and her husband came at the beginning of December for an ILM Christmas party and guided meditation, which I got to attend as well. And I got to hug her all I wanted. She was everything I dreamed of and more 🙂

So, we all know I’m imperfect, and that’s perfectly okay, right? Well, a big flaw came to the surface while she was here. Something that I had been avoiding for months.  Just another thing about me to love!

I was lamenting (with serious frustration) about a certain relationship with someone, and how the most angering thing was the other party’s “inconsistency” in maintaining something constant with me. Everything is back and forth, back and forth. Well, hello Mirror. You know, the whole “if someone triggers a reaction in you, it is because the same trait exists in your life?” Talk about a slap in the face. I was mad at HIS inconsistency because on a deeper level it was/is a reflection of my own. So I was getting angry with him as a distraction from the real issue. Ouch. I don’t want to look at that!

But I did. Cause that’s what I do.

I have been so hard on myself for this. Why am I not more consistent with my writing? (case in point, look at my sporadic blog postings) Why am I not more consistent with going to the dance studio? Why can I never seem to get on a schedule and stick to it? Why do my moods/wants/desires change so rapidly, and so often? It was a daily verbal beating in my head. Castigating myself instead of accepting myself. Subconsciously telling myself I was failing because of this.

No sir. Time to change that.

So I brought that little inconsistent puppy out of hiding and LAF’ed her. It’s okay to be inconsistent! It’s perfectly fine! It’s neither good or bad, it just is what it is. There. That’s much better than beating myself up. The more I accept it, the more it seems to loosen its vice-like grip around my throat. It’s funny how the mind works. Inconsistency may not be a big deal to many people, but my brain turned it into this monstrous predator lying in wait, determined to devour any progress I made towards accomplishing my goals. Once I accepted the monster, it stopped snarling. It’s not even that hungry anymore. It just wants to be loved.

Love your monsters!

I’m allowed to be inconsistent. It’s really not that big of a deal, after all. 🙂

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The Guest House

Posted on December 5, 2012 by erinparker75

one of my favorite poets (the other being Neruda!)

The Guest House
by Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Posted in random things, Spirituality, Thoughts | 1 Comment

C’mere regrets – let me hold you

Posted on November 29, 2012 by erinparker75

I’ve always had a strong reaction to the word “regret”. Back in college, I had a boyfriend who frequently told me that he had zero regrets, and how proud he was of this accomplishment. But every time he announced this (it was regularly worked into conversations, oddly enough) I always felt a pang of sadness for him.  Not awe, like I’m sure he was expecting. If he didn’t have any regrets, how could he avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future? Has he learned nothing??

What is this obsession our culture has with living with no regrets? Does that seem silly to anyone but me? There absolutely SHOULD be things you regret. I don’t think the issue is not “having” regrets. That seems inevitable. There will always be circumstances that we will look back upon, and with clearer vision know that had we made a better choice, our lives in the present might be just that much better. And who doesn’t want a better life, in any aspect? So the idea isn’t to not have regrets. The idea is to let the regrets be OKAY. To live peacefully with them. To accept our regrets and love ourselves DESPITE the bad choices we have made. To love and accept our bad choices as much as the good ones. To love and accept who we WERE, and now, who we are.

But to resist regret itself?

A healthy sense of regret means we recognize that we could have made better choices. And that is imperative for the future because if we don’t learn from our mistakes, then what the hell is the point?

I have many regrets. When I look back on decisions I made that were poor at the time, I know that if faced with a similar situation, I would make better ones today with the information I now have. That’s regret. I don’t lose sleep over them. I don’t castigate myself for choosing A over B. My regrets are very valuable learning tools, and keep me from repeating the same mistake over and over again.

I found this TED video on regret a couple years ago that I think is absolutely SPOT ON in conveying what I’m trying to say-

My favorite part of the video:

“The point is to not hate ourselves for having regrets…we need to learn to love the flawed, imperfect things that we create, and to forgive ourselves for creating them. Regret doesn’t remind us that we did badly. It reminds us that we know we can do better.”

Slow clap.

Posted in random things, Spirituality, Thoughts | Tagged | 4 Comments

50 Shades of Grey

Posted on November 7, 2012 by erinparker75

POINT/COUNTERPOINT WITH MARISSA AND ERIN
over gmail chat:

me:  so last night, as i was writing, my book became rather….explicit
and i LIKE it
Marissa:  Uh oh.
Like swearing?
me: no. i mean sexually
Marissa:  50 Shades of Erin.
“And then the fast Audi sped around the corner and I literally flew out of my seat as I was thrown against the window. Yet the speed and danger turned me on for Captain X.”
Or whatEVER his name was.
 me:  you could write your own
 Marissa:  So could a monkey
 Marissa:  Insert generic sexual details here.

 

 

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