Endo Belly Love

[I’m not going to talk about Harvey. It’s too soon, and my dearest friends and family have been through horrifying experiences because of it.]


Hey you little scamps!

I’ve got some news:
I’m pregnant.


Hahahaha jk.
The REAL news is that I made the decision to pursue nursing school (glitter cannon! glitter cannon!). I started my pre-reqs in the spring, took summer classes, and now just have 2 more classes left before I apply. Thanks to my first degree, I only needed the science classes….since I took zero of them at A&M. Well, I think I took Geology, along with every other liberal arts major, to fulfill our one science requirement. You know how we do.

You can imagine I was scared to death of science. Can I physically do it? Am I smart enough? What is a cell?

Much to my surprise, I have a 4.0 so far. Am I proud? I am so FUCKING PROUD. I really doubted I could do this, and here I am…actually succeeding. Also, going back to school in your 30’s is a game changer:

1. I have good study habits
2. I have endometriosis = no social life
3. I really like Millennials

I know! I was surprised too. They do require quite a bit of hand holding, and don’t seem well equipped to handle life when it doesn’t go their way, but gosh are they adorable. Their innocence is beyond endearing, and my classes are so fun because of their engaging energy and huge amounts of kindness so many possess. I am delighted with my time at school and so excited to be on this path! I CANNOT WAIT to keep learning and growing and meeting exceptional people. I can’t wait to get my hands on some patients and root around in body cavities.

For reals though. If anyone has the scoop on schools with good RN programs let a sista know. It’s very competitive and I will need to apply to multiple ones and pray someone takes me.

Sidebar nation: I took a real vacation last month and went to visit friends in Bend, Oregon. My first time in the Pacific Northwest and it really is as magical as everyone claims. Fairies come and greet you as you step off the plane. I felt good there, ya know? When you just feel good in a place. Fit me like a glove made of puppy skin. There are heaps of adventures to be had, and the city is full of explorers!

However, the most exciting part of the trip was being able to walk around outside and not sweat. That’s a thing you can do. Just not sweat.

But really, what is so cool about it, you ask? I hear you.

Version 2

Driving from Portland to Bend, we stopped at the Timberline Lodge on Mt. Hood for lunch and this view. Such a cool place! I definitely stood out in my dress compared to everyone else in their mountain clothes, but I’m on vacation. It’s a vacation dress. And I want to go back and climb that mountain. Part of The Shining was filmed here too. Murder.

Version 2

This beauty here is Tumalo Falls. 20 minute drive from Bend (!), a 4 minute hike to snap this shot, and at 7:30AM we were the only souls there. Blissed out.


Elk Lake


Version 2

Meet the Deschutes. For when you just want a little nature walk by a body of water that runs THROUGH TOWN. Ahhhhhh! So much awesomeness!

There is a nursing school in Bend so I’m adding that to my list of places to apply. I would not be mad at living by the mountains. The waterfalls I can do without.

My birthday was in July and we went 80’s dancing at Etro and had a staycation at the Marriott Marquis downtown. Planning gives me anxiety, and I don’t enjoy large parties in general (anxiety), so the hotel room with a few friends was perfect. We spent all day at the pool. A lazy river in the shape of Texas, a sick DJ dropping beats, and wine for days on days on days. Like Vegas, without all the pretension and $34 cocktails. No cute boys though. Where my boys at?


It was such a happy day for me, and one of those rare occasions when my body wasn’t a burning pile of trash. Of course, later that night we went out for dinner and I crashed hard at the restaurant. I try to avoid making plans I can’t break since I’m at the mercy of my body. I started to get anxious about completely derailing the night but of course those lovely souls I call friends are full of compassion and understanding. They gladly wrapped up dinner, we hopped in a cab, and headed back to the room for jammies and Netflix.

I started Anatomy and Physiology on Monday (gulp).

Speaking of school, gather round and let me tell you about my worst day last semester. I’m at my fave study spot, Mercantile, in the Village. I get up to take a break, and walk outside to the parking lot. I was also wearing a tank top, and not my normal baggy shirt. Because on THIS DAY I woke up and decided that I was no longer going to be ashamed of my endo belly. It’s been a life-long battle coming to terms with always looking pregnant, and to avoid bad feelings I just wear loose clothes. But I had had enough. I had spent the past several months being really lovely to myself and trying to neutralize the not so nice thoughts I used to have. This is my body, it’s fine how it is, and if I want to wear a tank top – I’m gonna wear a tank top! Taking charge. Being a boss. I had been starving at the coffee shop, and the option was either a croissant or go hungry. I chose gluten. Gluten is enemy numero uno of endo. But I’m breezy! Carefree! Doesn’t matter what happens cause I love my body!

I’m outside, and this dumb blonde was in the tiny parking lot with a massive Jeep she had no clue how to drive. I’m watching her try to complete a 12 point turn and signal that I will help her. I get her out of the tight spot and as she drives by I’m mentally patting myself on the back for a good deed done for this pile of dead brain cells. She says, “Thank you so much! Hahahaha! I just don’t know how to drive this thing!”
“No problem,” I say.
Then the cunt asks me when I’m due. I pause for a beat. “…..I’m not pregnant.”
And she just says “Oh, haha!” and drives away. I’m left standing there like a sucker, tears rolling down my cheeks. THE ONE TIME I DECIDE I’M GOOD ENOUGH.
Marissa was inside, so I go back in and she gives me a good long hug and we both agree that lady should die in a fire.

This entry was posted in Bend, Endometriosis, Oregon, Portland, Travel and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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