How patience kicked my ass and took my name, part 1



“I need a break. I don’t want any more lessons for a while.” Ho ho ho. Famous last words before the Universe threw me the middle finger and shoved me into my next adventure.


Patience has been reverberating off the walls of my mushy brain for the past two months. I brushed it aside at first, so naturally it kept coming back with more vehemence. Sigh. Alright. I can’t get off this train so I guess I’m going in.

The more I turn to look at it, the bigger it becomes. The more it grows into me, covering me with a delicate layer of peace and seducing me with its knowing smile. I find myself wanting more of this thing I’ve just been introduced to.

There have been several instances lately where friends have used this word to describe ME. Huh?? Fools. I’m not patient. I’m a mover and a shaker! To a fault, I’m afraid. Even if it’s the wrong action, I’d much rather make some move than no move at all. Being still is lame.

But now I’m discovering another layer to myself, and it’s like exploring an uncharted land without the GPS.

There are so many things I want. A relationship, complete health, financial abundance, a thriving writing career, location independence, more trips around the world, more time to meditate, more fun experiences…those are the big ones. And like a petulant child, I demand them all in this very instant. I’m always scheming for plans and outlines to make my dreams come true. I know my destination, but I need those road maps to get there.

But recently  I just feel STUCK. Not making any progress. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I keep noticing that damn word (patience)showing up around every corner I turn. I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do…so what’s going on?

Here’s what I’m thinking. Maybe for now, I’m exactly where I need to be. There’s no learning or pushing and pulling that needs to take place. I just need to take a deep breath, open my eyes and see the flowers that cover the mountainside. Instead of blasting on by, trying to reach the summit. Maybe I can even sit down for a while and survey the landscape. Chill. Have a glass of wine and just let it all go for now. Mmmhmmm wine.

That’s the hardest thing for me – letting go. I have mastered the art of having burning desires and the subsequent death grip on them.

So….patience = letting go?

(to be continued…)

This entry was posted in Meditation, My Life, random things, Thoughts and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

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