So….big news. I finally met Kelsie in person!!!!
Kelsie is my meditation teacher and lives in Hawaii. We have been working together since 2011 and it’s always been over Skype, so I had never actually met her in person. Lucky for me, HER spiritual teachers live in Austin. So she and her husband came at the beginning of December for an ILM Christmas party and guided meditation, which I got to attend as well. And I got to hug her all I wanted. She was everything I dreamed of and more 🙂
So, we all know I’m imperfect, and that’s perfectly okay, right? Well, a big flaw came to the surface while she was here. Something that I had been avoiding for months. Just another thing about me to love!
I was lamenting (with serious frustration) about a certain relationship with someone, and how the most angering thing was the other party’s “inconsistency” in maintaining something constant with me. Everything is back and forth, back and forth. Well, hello Mirror. You know, the whole “if someone triggers a reaction in you, it is because the same trait exists in your life?” Talk about a slap in the face. I was mad at HIS inconsistency because on a deeper level it was/is a reflection of my own. So I was getting angry with him as a distraction from the real issue. Ouch. I don’t want to look at that!
But I did. Cause that’s what I do.
I have been so hard on myself for this. Why am I not more consistent with my writing? (case in point, look at my sporadic blog postings) Why am I not more consistent with going to the dance studio? Why can I never seem to get on a schedule and stick to it? Why do my moods/wants/desires change so rapidly, and so often? It was a daily verbal beating in my head. Castigating myself instead of accepting myself. Subconsciously telling myself I was failing because of this.
No sir. Time to change that.
So I brought that little inconsistent puppy out of hiding and LAF’ed her. It’s okay to be inconsistent! It’s perfectly fine! It’s neither good or bad, it just is what it is. There. That’s much better than beating myself up. The more I accept it, the more it seems to loosen its vice-like grip around my throat. It’s funny how the mind works. Inconsistency may not be a big deal to many people, but my brain turned it into this monstrous predator lying in wait, determined to devour any progress I made towards accomplishing my goals. Once I accepted the monster, it stopped snarling. It’s not even that hungry anymore. It just wants to be loved.
Love your monsters!
I’m allowed to be inconsistent. It’s really not that big of a deal, after all. 🙂