This is my bread and butter, people. Turns out, I have problems accepting people for who they are. Ugh. There it is – my ugly side. I don’t accept you. Rawr.
Well…wait. If you’re awesome, and sarcastic, and open, and well-traveled, and intelligent, and goofy, and can dance like a mutha, then I totally accept you. If you love unicorns, we need go no further. You’re in.
But if you’re hard, inflexible, mean, judgmental, imposing, manipulative and negative – well, first I will want to change you, then when that doesn’t work, I will get mad for you not being like me, and I will want nothing to do with you.
This is a huge lesson for me right now. Huge.
And I’ll be damned if I haven’t stepped into a life with the most determined people to help me overcome this.
It’s just so exhausting. The resistance that comes with not accepting people for who they are. I’ve been resistant to so many things for so long and I’m done. I want to be like a river, and flow around my obstacles instead of senselessly beating my head against them, willing them to move out of my way. Cause it never works. Even for the strong-willed types like yours truly.
So what has to happen? I have to change. ME. It’s always me. Can’t it be them for once?
So I pull into myself for a moment and do a little self-examination (I love digging deep) and realize if I accept people for who they are, life is just so much easier.
So: I accept YOU. You never have to change.
But one more thing: I forgive myself. For not being accepting of you in the first place. Yep. That’s okay too.
I’m just gonna stay here and wiggle my toes in that forgiveness cause it feels gooooood.
Now, my perspective is different. I’m practicing acceptance. I’m moving into the attitude that it’s okay if you do this, or say that, or think this way. It’s allowed.
That’s my favorite thing to say: YOU’RE ALLOWED. You’re allowed to be happy. You’re allowed to be grumpy – even if that is your permanent demeanor. You’re allowed to think differently that me. You’re allowed. You’re allowed. You’re allowed.
And when I’m actively doing this I just feel so….free.
I’m going to let people be who they are. We are all allowed to be different. And because I want the freedom and acceptance to be who I am, I better make sure I’m practicing that with others.
The biggest thing for me to remember is that for me to be right in my perspective, the other person doesn’t have to be wrong. We are just different, that’s all. We are BOTH right.
Differences are what make the world spicy. I mean, how dull would it be if EVERYONE loved unicorns? They’d totally lose their appeal and I’d never give ’em a second glance. Oh that thought makes me so sad! I’m sorry Charlie! I will never abandon you.
So I’m going to allow you to be different, without being wrong.
It’s amazing how quickly this works too, cause I just started this practice a couple of weeks ago. Previously tense relationships have become easier, and I’m a lot more at ease. Not because they changed. Because I did.
It’s funny how a concept as simple as [lack of] acceptance can create entire shit storms of discontent, but when we finally give in, everything settles as if there was never a disruption in the first place.
So there you have it. I’m not going to change you. You are fine just as you are. I accept you.