Kim arrives late on a Saturday night and I scoop her up from the airport and take her promptly home for a champagne initiation in the South.

She comes bearing gifts!

Then we head to El Tiempo for margaritas and fajitas – the second part of her initiation. I didn’t enjoy it at all. Mexican food? Gross.

We leave for New Orleans Monday morning, and on the drive there (that she thought was entirely too long and to which I explained in Texas, a 5 hour drive is short) I introduced her to phrases such as “baby mama/daddy” and “all up in my grill”. Crucial items for NOLA. She caught on quickly. I also introduced her to “You’s a Hoe” by Ludacris. Classic lyrics, that one.

…”hoe tell erryone, even the mayor. Reach up in the sky for the hoe-zone layer.”

look at that hoe. she so cute

We settle into India House, which turns out to be a pretty cool hostel, and proceed to have the following conversation with the front desk girl:

Me: What’s the easiest way to get to Bourbon St?

Girl: Girls, don’t spend a drunk night on Bourbon

Me: Oh definitely not. We’re just meeting our ghost tour there. (No one actually spends the night on Bourbon. No one who actually knows NOLA that is…)

Girl: Oh, you’re going on the ghost tour? You’ll pass right by my apartment!

Me: You have ghosts?

Girl: Yeah, like 28 people were killed and drained in the bathtub. But if you…

Me: (interrupting) Hold on. What?

Girl: Yeah a lot of people were killed in my apartment at the beginning of the century, then dissected and drained in the bathtub.

Me: What the..

Girl: Well, they were vampires.

Me: Oh. Well then the bathtub makes sense. And have you seen any of the ghosts?

Girl: Well I was raised pagan, so I’m a seer. I see things that most people don’t. (Kim is silent the whole time)

Me: Of course.

Pagan Girl: Well y’all have a good time!

I’m all smiles at this point. We’re off to a great start…