Well hello! I didn’t see you come in. Let me just wrap this up…
Just kidding. I wasn’t doing anything.

Before I get into the bits and bobs of endo that you’ve come to know and love, Marissa has finally updated her blog and this post has left lingering shadows in my brain. I can’t stop thinking about the importance of what she addresses here. Please, read it! I shall provide the link again in case you missed it the first time: Marissa Knows Best.

What’s up with this weather, eh? One day we have the AC on, the next it’s the heat. Over it.

I’m working, y’all. Don’t get crazy, just temporary gigs. But it’s the first time in well over a year that I have had the strength to even think about doing this, so that calls for a champagne celebration.

I am still dealing with this insomnia and while I feel terrible, I had also become rather stagnant and felt the need to shake things up a bit. Do something new. So I emailed my old recruiter, dusted off my business casual wear, and headed downtown.

They called me the next day for a 3 month assignment at a prestigious law firm downtown. My insides clenched – the pay was great and it would be great networking and a great opportunity (how many times can I say great?)…but I knew my body couldn’t handle that yet. I said no thanks, and hung up the phone imagining I had just plugged up the flow of abundance from the Universe straight to me. Great. Life is ruined. But then I realized that I honored myself and my body, and let it go. And wouldn’t you know it the recruiter called the next day with another job at the same firm, same great pay, but working 10:30-7pm which accommodates my sleep schedule MUCH better than an 8am start. So, crazy, right? Ask, ask, ask and you shall receive. Bada bing. Plus, those hours mean I completely avoid traffic, which is one of my top 3 most hated things, followed by okra and people chewing gum.

It’s been tough working because… insomnia, but everyone is ridiculously warm and welcoming so it’s been a true pleasure. A very calm way to ease myself back into the waters.

So, the insomnia. Figures it would be back. Guess who also came back? My period. Bastard. No pill can stop this thing. Mathias said I’m very sensitive to progesterone, which is the hormone that stops the cycle, and wanted to put me on another medication, this time a nasal spray that I would use twice a day. I said no. I still haven’t gotten over the trauma of the Dark Months, and I am not ready to go down Birth Control Boulevard again. I asked him if I could just wait it out a couple more months and see if my body adjusted and he said that was fine. Crisis averted.

Then we addressed my sleep. There is nothing more discouraging than going into your doctor’s office and hearing them go “Oh boy” when they look through your chart. I know I’m a bit of a complicated case, but I still want to know that there is hope. Because of my insulin sensitivity, I have limbic system dysfunction (controls sleep/anxiety, etc.). According to Mathias, the GI and limbic system are one entity. He pulled out my GI electro-magnetic testing from last year and showed me the results. “Look at your numbers and all this activity. I can guarantee your limbic system is suffering from the same disturbances.”

“But my GI has calmed down so much that I’m at a 1 now! So why do I still have insomnia?”

“Well that’s what I’m trying to figure out.”

Sigh. “So I’m going to have limbic system dysfunction forever?”

“Well let’s hope forever is a long time.”

It doesn’t make sense. The nausea is gone. The pain is gone. I’m following the endo diet and eating every 3-4 hours to keep my blood sugar balanced. So why the feck can’t I fecking sleep?!?

He prescribed another sleep medication for me – Restoril. By day 2 I was shaking with Oct 2013 style-anxiety at 3am. So obviously that pill is out. I don’t know what the hell will work for me anymore. What do you do when you’ve tried everything? If anyone has any suggestions, please, tell me. I’m desperate. I don’t feel like Mathias can help me anymore, and I’m tired of being tossed a different drug every time I see him.

I will punch anyone who suggests melatonin…

In other news, Rodrigo and I are going to Austin next weekend, and it will be my first time back in a year!!! I’m bursting I’m so excited! I can’t wait to see all my sweet friends, eat good food, and relax in one of my favorite cities. Then I get to meditate on Sunday. Ahhh bliss.

I’m running out of websites to read.

So happy it’s Friday. Happy weekend everyone!