Well, we’re finally here folks. Tomorrow is the big day, so this will be my last post for a bit while I focus on recovery. I can’t believe I have already spent half of 2014 focused entirely on this endo, and there still is at least 2-3 more months to go. Blerg.
But I shall emerge a beautiful butterfly, free of endo AND a colon with her very own room! No more sharesies with my uterus.
Yesterday was clear liquid diet day. I also went to see Chef, which is a fantastic movie but sucks when you’re fasting. So, circumstances permitting…I recommend it. Because of that movie I CANNOT stop thinking about Cuban sandwiches. I’m obsessed. I walked out of the theater and immediately yelped where to find the best ones in Houston, so I can go in 2 months. Then I started looking up French cooking classes. Which led to seeing which restaurant serves the best osso buco. Then I started getting sad. I never want to do this again. Never never never.
Today I have continued the clear liquid diet and bonus!…I started my bowel prep at 5pm. It tastes like mouthfuls of Galveston water. WHORE-IBLE. Currently it’s 9:30pm and I’m working the second bottle into my system. It does not get better the second time around.
I put a coke can next to the bottle so you can use it as a scale. So much liquid.
I’ve already given Deb’s cell number out to people but if you don’t have it and you’re interested in updates, you can email me and I’ll send it to you.
I’m so excited about tomorrow!! I feel like this is the final summit to climb!!!! A little nervous, sure, but mostly just so freaking ready for a brand new life.
Women’s Hospital of Texas
Arrive at hospital at 5:30am, surgery scheduled for 7:30am, will be 5-6 hours
Will stay in hospital 3-4 nights depending on how I’m doing
6-8 week recovery time
Since I started these endo posts, my support network has exploded and I’ve been lucky to speak with women who have already gone through exactly what I will tomorrow. I’m worried mostly about the pain in the few days after surgery and one friend said “Yeah it sucks, but it’s nothing worse than what you’ve already been through with your endo pain.” I got this. AND I get a Dilaudid pump. Heyoooh!
Gather round children, gather round. Here are some lessons I’ve learned:
Self-love: During the past 6 months I have felt defective as a woman, lousy at being a human in general, ugly, unlovable, broken, and unworthy. These have been some dark times indeed. But…wow! What a unique opportunity for me to learn to love myself at an entirely new level. This gave me a chance to give MYSELF the love and support and gentleness that I crave at my absolute worst. I was able to show myself that even at my lowest, I am worthy of love. It’s been such a surprising and remarkable turn of events. The more love I give to myself, the more I see love and support exploding so much around me that there is excess I will never be able to absorb. I feel so grounded knowing I am worthy of it all – even at my ugliest. I’ve developed an appreciation for myself I never had before. Despite the tornado that my life has become, I’ve never felt more peaceful. This I did not expect.
Patience: I was pretty patient before, but this endo has stretched me farther than I ever wanted to go. I’ve had to let go of pre-conceived time frames that I was hell-bent on sticking to – like thinking this whole process would take 2 months, tops, or the whole rising early vs. waking up late thing that I talked about in my last post. All of this has required so much patience with MYSELF, and letting my body go at the pace it needs to instead of my mind getting all bossy and telling my body to cut this shit out. I’m learning to listen to my body and slow down when it asks, even if I want to keep plowing ahead. I’m learning what foods my body can handle and what it can’t. I’m sleeping at bizarre hours because that’s when my body says to. All of those things have required unlimited patience, acceptance, and surrender. And it is HARD, y’all. It is really hard. I practice this daily. I have to remind myself to listen and slow down and pay attention. Because it’s so easy to ignore warning signs and get caught up in whatever we get caught up in. That sentence sucked. Whatever. I haven’t had food in two days. I’m just trying to say it’s hard.
Okay guys, imona get back to drinking mouthfuls of ocean water. Don’t be jel. I’ll also be taking along Judith, my uterus (a gift from Melissa). She’ll be making sure everything’s in order at the hospital and that the nurse gets my vein on the first try. Else she will do the punching with her long fallopian arms. Pow! Pow!
Catch you on the flip side!