I stand at the doors, knowing the moment I enter I will be instantly transported into a new world. A world where crazy is normal, lies are truth, and insanity is embraced. Reason and logic are not welcome here, there is no corner for them to tuck into and cast their bright, comforting glow. So I enter alone. It’s a world I love, and hate, at the same time. Tossing in a sea of indecisiveness, I can’t decide whether to go or stay. I stay, and am reminded how I will always be just on the outside, never quite fitting in. I go, and lament what I am missing, and who is saying what in my absence.
My rationale clings to my conscious, staying in the shadows, already understanding how unwelcome its presence will be if known. But no, I fight to pull it out. MAKE THEM SEE. This isn’t normal. Not everyone lives like this. Only this tiny microcosm of a world, where you dwell in your tiny box and create rules that don’t work in a functioning society.
I want to slap them. MAKE THEM SEE. But I am only a tiny reed blowing in the wind of iniquity that cools the polished wood floor. And so I smile, and step back. Into myself, my life, my thoughts, pulling everything in, until nothing remains but a hard outer shell that is impenetrable to them. I stand alone, thinking of life outside the box, and how differently it appears. How normal for me, strange for them. STRANGE! Ha. I am powerless. Logic will make them see, but logic is sucked from the room with the invisible black abyss that permits only lies.
A fantasy world almost. Sometimes I get too close, and am reminded as to why I keep my distance. I am regaled with tall tales, far fetching and fanciful, and my eyes widen in complete disbelief. Not at the tale but the teller, and the whole – hearted acceptance of all as truth. No. No it can’t be. Surely you have more sense.
Always, always…no. No sense at all.
Always, always…I smile. My secret, lonely smile. I stand alone in this world. But that is the price I pay to do what I love. So I morph into the concrete statue necessary to withstand the weather, and enter the building.